Being in Love with Being

My breath of love is felt in every movement
and every stillness covered in dark chocolate
Sweet and inviting.
Alone I will not be for I am surrounded in breath
Of every form of life on all dimensions known and unknown.
May my body remember with each breath
the number of times I have been held
and have held others in joy and sorrow.
Not once did I lack for even if I felt alone
I found my breath to be the source
that guides me through the torrential rain,
claps of thunder and brilliant days of cloudless skies
and sunshine that nourishes every ounce of my being.
Being in love with being simply as I am
and loving others as they are
for all are brilliant and worthy of being enough
and knowing they can ask to be held
by that which nourishes and cherishes them always.

The Light Within Me and All Things

To think and act as if the light withing me can shine upon the darkness brings me to a very humble place. A place where simply listening can be the one thing someone needs the most. Because they may find the answer to a question unasked.

“What do you think I should do” becomes what I would want for myself…to be cradled in the wings of angels night and day.

The light in me asked for help during a drive and then listening. Listening to the radio sing “Abracadabra” which to me meant my request was heard and received. All I needed to do was let go.

And then, miraculously, I got exactly what I asked for. Of course.

— Wendy Who Walks With Wildflowers

A bit of background story is needed for this one. I had traveled very, very far to visit my mother but her anxiety got the best of her and she just could not bring herself to open the door. I was prepared for this scenario but was also determined to see her. So, I dropped off a bag of gifts for my mom, hoping they would be received as intended – loving kindness. She did receive them. “Wow, wow, wow!” But then the next day she still was too anxious to see me. So, I decided to take a short trip and ask my dad for help. He had passed over a year ago and every once in a while I ask him for guidance. The guidance from him comes through songs either streamed or on the radio. I am a clairaudient, so my audio perception is very sensitive. Anyway, I asked my dad for help with my mom (they had been divorced for over 49 years but were once in love and I believe they are very connected). I made the request and then turned on the radio. On the radio, the song “Abracadabra” played. That was all I needed to know that my dad had received my request and to consider it done. I let it go, went out for breakfast, visited a tiny museum and thrift store in Needles, CA. The conversations I had with the museum director and with the cashier at the thrift store were very special. I mentioned I was in the area to visit my mom to both of the people and purchased several books for 50 cents each for my mom who loves to read. I then drove back to the house I rented which was less than a mile from my mom. I walked in, kicked off my shoes and then checked my messages. “Yes, I would love to see you.” It was a message from my mom! I gasped with joy and then sent a message back, “Ok, I’ll be right over.” I then spent a somewhat exhausting afternoon listening to her talk about wanting to move into an apartment. The next day, I asked for guidance again. How could I manage the visit so that it wasn’t so draining for both of us? The advice was to get out of the house . . . which we did. My mom rarely gets out of the house because she can’t drive, she does not hear very well, has no family that lives nearby and she does not ask for rides from her roommate. We went to lunch and she completely enjoyed herself. The best part was watching her devour the food slowly but with much gratitude. And then we went grocery shopping. She usually orders her groceries to be delivered so to visit a grocery store after several years can be quite overwhelming. She did great though and I hope I did too.

We went from, “I’m sorry, I don’t feel well and can’t see you.” to “I think God sent you to me. Thank you so much for everything. I feel normal.”

What My Heart Tells Me

To cry and beg for help on behalf of my mother who has spent over 80 years living the best way she knows how.

To beg all to forgive her and to only think and act graciously with loving kindness.

Because all we need is to know we are loved and even though we may no love ourselves some days, at least we can love one another.

Structural Wanderings Near and Far

Walking. Searching. Level upon level.
Swirling and twirling. Flowing and going.
Look to the right, to the left, to the right, to the left.
Giving up. Letting go.
Graves deep, markers crumbling.
Long lost. But not forgotten.
Open the door. See the belonging.
Feel the belonging. The sorrow and strife.
Start the ignition. Pay the tuition.
Realize what was once is not more.
Breathe and see without seeing.
There is nothing. Let it be.

— Wendy Who Walks With Wildflowers

Let All the Mothers Go

Breathe she thought
with grace and gratitude
Dust, let go of the dust
Let go of the mother
So she can let go of her mother
And hers
And hers
And hers
And his
Let go of Mother Earth
So they can call simply relax and be
Without worry
Without fright
And into the night
They sleep a pretty slumber
Where all dreams release
And into the day they step
Step. Step. Step. And FLY
Into the sky
Releasing all
It doesn’t matter
Go. Go. Go.

— Wendy Who Walks With Wildflowers

How to See What Is Before Me

Stop talking she thought to herself as she sat uneasy
What it before her may be what is askew
Or off to the right, along the gravel shoulder
Imagination comes alive like a store needing to be told
But to see, she simply closes her eyes
And knows what is needed will come forth
Like a fog creeping in during a cold, dark night.
Quietly tip toe through the tulips
In a unique voice we all laugh at
Yet serious and serene
What is before me?
Bright colors of life unfolding
Quiet. Quiet. Quiet.
And strong.
Softly focus
With wiggling toes stretch for the stars and always be bold.

Blooming

Invisible with the strength of the unknown
Carried like a child, tender, ungrown
Loved like a daisy in the sunshine in the spring
Tortured no longer under the weight
Let go
Embraced like a dollie given on Christmas day
Forgiven like a cherished wrong
We don’t know what blooms inside us
Until we let go, the get of hell on earth
And learn to laugh once again
Like the tired and delirious told to sleep
when the sun still shines
and the sweetness of the day lingers
like the taste of honey

Be strong in the attempts to bloom
It’s all worth it. Do it. Aho.

— Wendy Who Walks with Wildflowers

Safety

In the earth or in the trees in the sky I don’t know why
Hold me gently me oh my
Cradle me soothe me give me lullabies
In the middle of the day or in the middle of the night
There the comfort lets me know there is only us
Let the others go.

Why does the wrong become a place for the light to shine?

I read somewhere about struggle and how life is about struggle and what we do with it. My struggles have been something that have gotten me to a place in life currently where I talk to almost nobody other than the man who raped me for decades. What is wrong with me? Why has the struggle to survive gotten me to this place of isolation?

This place in the world is wrong yet right. All the bruises were wrong and the willingness to be bruised was wrong. It’s still wrong yet right. The bruises have transformed into a darkness so deep that the bruises have settled deep within. Resulting in an inability to do anything but hide. When the bruising began, the strength to endure became an obsession. The wrong yet right felt like the sentence given justly. The doors closed and held me tight. The doors opened and allowed the bruising and then the hiding in plain sight. The begging continues deep within and again the begging and pleading for safety is ignored as always. Wrong yet right. Right in ways that show up each morning with the sun streaming in the rapist’s windows. The sun shines on the rapist and joy lifts the rapist in ways that will always be mystifying and strange. Why does the wrong become a place for the light to shine?

The Struggle Is Holy

I struggle to love myself daily until I make the decision to align myself with source. And that source I suppose is holy. Even the struggle is holy as I write these words and feel a gratitude for being able to share.
When I love myself it is invisible and not. It’s confusing and I fear that loving myself will only be revealed at the moment that I transition from this world into an unknown. Perhaps it is there that I will be shown that I have loved myself with every breath. It is simple. Profound.