“healthy boundaries”

Surrounded in Hugs Instead of Tyranny

~ Wendy ~ Leave a comment

I declare today a day of dependence on loving kindness, civility, healthy boundaries and compassion.

As most stories go, they are but interpretations and point of view of one person. If a group of individuals attends an event, even for 5 minutes, they will each tell their own unique story. Stories influenced by many factors.

It is entirely possible that I interpret “independence day” as one that not only declared a parcel of land and the people who parked their butts on it as independent from tyranny but also incorrectly assumed the parcel of land to “belong” to a very small group of individuals.

I read the Declaration of Independence and my interpretation of it was that it is a document written by a group of people that were coming together as a group of like-minded people to protect themselves from the tyranny of an individual. It names an individual but an individual cannot act alone. As a human beings, the founding “fathers” sought, as we all do, safety, intimate bonds with others, nourishment, sources of strength, creativity and loving kindness. And when the basic needs are met, we also develop and share our wisdom, recognize our intuition as a connection to our divine light within us and become the ultimate version of ourselves on all dimensions.

I recognize my interpretation does not align with everyone and that’s perfectly ok.

The Declaration of Independence is an example of creating healthy boundaries. “I am worthy of wellness and for the stated list of reasons, I declare that I act to ensure the wellness of my being.” Now, in this moment, I create healthy boundaries and I now enforce them consistently for the greatest good of my being.

At the same time, compassion and acceptance exists so that the act of forgiveness further demonstrates the healthy boundaries. Recognition of the reasons why others act is an observation and when they are objectively placed in a container, the person now becomes human again. I’ve recently experienced this very thing. There are people in my life that acted out of a need for survival. And, instead of me constantly feeling angry, I chose to embrace and love the person for who they are in this moment. But at the same time I also have healthy boundaries in place so that the treatment that harms does not become an issue.

That’s a bit abstract. I’ll leave it there.

Thank you for reading this post. It is one in a series call the “S.H.I.T. Chronicles.” where I flip concepts upside down and let go of that which is no longer needed.

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Staying Hungry Instead of Thriving

~ Wendy ~ Leave a comment

I am tired of the “spiritual” gurus taking advantage of people that are in a vulnerable state. I just listened to one speak about empaths and how empaths are born that way, feeling the feelings of other people and such. Well, you know what? Some empaths are NOT born that way. They are created out of a need for survival. Some empaths learn very quickly, sometimes from infancy, that it is necessary to sense the moods of their caregivers in order to survive. All it takes is one time when a child cries in hunger and then gets thrown across the room because the caregiver is in a bad mood or drunk or angry. Once a child experiences severe trauma due to crying for a need and then being punished for that need, the child becomes very good at sensing the moods of others and then silencing/numbing personal needs. Hunger comes on and a choice needs to be made. Tune in to the caregiver. Oops. Caregiver is not in a good mood. Better stay quiet and wait for when the caregiver is in a better mood. This becomes a cycle and a talent to read the moods of others. It also becomes a talent to become numb to needs. Personal needs become secondary. Does the child eat/play/sleep when the caregiver is pissed off? Or stay quiet and survive when the caregiver is pissed off? It’s a matter of survival.

The speaker also mentioned that empaths need to learn how to create healthy boundaries. This, I agree with 100%. Healthy boundaries are extremely important.

So, instead of listening to that spiritual guru tell you to go get a crystal or a mirror or some other trinket to protect yourself, say “no” and save your money. You don’t need that thing. What you need is to learn how to love yourself and create healthy boundaries. Start feeling YOUR feelings instead of the feelings of others. You don’t need to fix them, it’s their problem. But do treat yourself to energy healing and such because it is a form of self love to take good care of yourself. And in that self care, you will know you are loved. You will know you deserve and are worthy of healthy boundaries. You will know it is not up to you to fix every broken person. You will know that the feelings of others do not belong to you. And hopefully some day you will start to feel joy again and know you are worthy of nourishment and loving kindness.