You know when people say, “I’m sorry for your loss?” Have you ever felt compassion for others but couldn’t get to the, “I’m sorry” because if you did, then you’d be admitting to something you didn’t do. And by admitting to something you’d be punished and not loved.
Many, many times throughout my life, this has been the experience. I never felt loved as a child except for possibly a kind teacher or neighbor or a parent of a friend. It wasn’t that my parents were constantly traumatizing me. It only takes a few experiences as a small child to instill a sense of being unloved. Because of the early trauma, my being internalized shame. To say, “I’m sorry” was something that threatened the basic need of feeling safe and connected with another. To say “I’m sorry” would drive the shame even deeper. Does that make sense? It’s ok if it doesn’t — read on and you’ll get it.
Bear with the pity story for a tiny bit longer. There is a purpose to it and a base from which I feel a need to explore the journey of healing for many that may help bring ease.
Breathe. The relevant part of the journey started a year or so ago when the integration of unconditional love expanded my consciousness. Opened me up in a way that was previously undefined and not comprehensible. For some, unconditional love is a concept they’ve known their entire lives but for others, it needs to be recalled. And gently invited out into the sunshine.
Unconditional love for me came through from a grandparent who passed. His spirit communicated through a medium for me — sending the message that he would have protected me when I was small. That was profound for me. I didn’t know someone wanted to protect me when I was small.
I know what you’re thinking. “Oh, you didn’t have it that bad. There are children in war zones and in areas of extreme poverty and other situations quite extreme.” Yes, but just as a drop of water represents all water. So does my experience represent the trauma of all traumatized children.
Where am I going with this?
Step into the present moment where I have recalled the power of forgiveness. Oh, so repetitive and boring it is to bring it up again and again. But wait, this time it’s different. Until now, it did not connect and I didn’t understand forgiveness to the degree I do now.
When the concept of forgiveness is introduced to someone who has experienced trauma, I feel it is critical that the first step be the recall of unconditional love. Why? Because if one does not know they are loved, then the concept of forgiveness is pointless. Sure, a person can say, “I forgive you” but what does that really mean? “I forgive you for torturing me for years? Not that it was ok, but I forgive you.” It did a little for me with regard to freedom or true healing and grace. It was like reciting something in a foreign language.
But . . . But! When a person knows they are loved and accepted exactly as they are, then the concept of forgiveness can be a beautiful catalyst for changed reality. To go from black and white to full color. To go from pastel to neon.
A surprising personal example
On July 10th of this year, I posted on social media that I was feeling emotional because it was the anniversary of an experience I had decades ago where I was chopped up by a boat prop in a lake. My friends were there and all were traumatized. In the past I was angry, sad, and have not talk to anyone involved for decades. In the post, the lake was evil and the events that took place had an impact on many people and nobody deserved any of it.
“Forgiveness is possible” — coming from a new place of knowing I am loved and also responsibility for the trauma inflicted on everyone that day.
“I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.”
Knowing I am loved. I no longer blamed anyone for the events that took place. I took full responsibility for everything because I am connected to all those people. I represent all, just as the water droplet represents all water. My tears represent the tears of everyone.
After the post, I let it be. I didn’t dwell on it.
My tears, as I later realized, also represented the water of the lake. The energy of the lake. The recent and ancient stories of the lake.
About two or three weeks after the post, I was thinking of the young woman who had dove into the lake from a dock and was feared paralyzed. She had jumped into the same fated lake where my friends and I had been traumatized.
“How is she doing?” I asked someone who had recently visited the lake. “I was speaking to her father and he says, ‘She rode a bike four and a half miles the other day. And she says her legs hurt.'” I was flabbergasted. “Wow! That is so amazing! She’s doing a great job!”
There are a few other happy lake reports as well. The lake is clear. And a small child had the “best night of my life” while boating on it with his great uncle who had never been boating on the lake even though he grew up there. Finally boated on it after almost 60 years.
The forgiveness prayer and taking full responsibility
I did not correlate the young woman’s recovery with the forgiveness prayer posted on social media. That is, not until I participated in a retreat hosted by a friend, Molly Friedenfeld, last weekend. In the retreat, the focus was practicing a technique based on the forgiveness prayer – also ho’oponopono which was practiced by Dr. Len. I had heard of the prayer before but this weekend, it expanded with stating full responsibility.
5 Steps to the “Clean on it” forgiveness technique as taught by Molly Friedenfeld:
- Identify, recognize and acknowledge a low vibration thought, action, memory, or story. Pause with intent. Breathe.
- Know you are loved. Pause. State, “I accept 100% responsibility for ________________________________.” (fill in the blank with the low vibration)
- Ask for help from others to move it to the light. The help can come from friends, loved ones who have passed, a source, benevolent beings, angels, archangels, etc.. They love to help with this kind of thing. You can feel them crowding the room sometimes!
- State, “I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.” as many times as you like. (or Ho’oponopono) The order does not matter. But the intent does so say it with an open heart and confidence.
- Feel the prayer transform into repeated statements of “I love you. Thank you.”
After the practice, let it go and trust. No need to check in on the status or control the outcome.
Repeat the technique with any and all low vibrations that pop up.
Another example of the effectiveness of the technique:
This one is for all the children. During the retreat over the weekend, I accepted full responsibility for all children who feel unwanted and unloved. I then asked for help from the circle of people with me and from Benevolent Beings to move the low vibration into the light. We all stated several times. “I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.” And then we let it go, with trust and without expectations. But there was hope 🙂
Later, in a separate conversation, a young mother expressed several times how her daughter would not put her head under water or learn how to swim. And then in a ceremony the mother stated she loves her daughter and fully accepts who she is. We celebrated this new way of thinking by talking about how her daughter might some day be on a swim team.
The next day, the mother of the girl and the grandmother reported happy news! The girl, had just been in a pool and went across the pool with her head under water! Wow!
None of us set that expectation but look at what happened with stating full responsibility and asking for assistance to shift low vibration to high vibration.
Responsibility for big and little
My vision is for all to know they are loved. And through that knowing, may we all state full responsibility for the low vibrations and transition them into the light.
Thank you for reading this post.