Surrounding Herself with Incessant Torrents

Scatter the pages

The words

The memories

Scatter them into the water

To be blessed for eternity

Eternally giving life to all.

 


 

The realization that keeping the journals filled with sorrow, joy, dreams was a prison of madness. I threw them all away. I am now free. Freedom feels a bit unsettling at times, so I seek the help of others to help me balance and return to my source where creation radiates an infinite undefined brilliance.

The same with the bin filled with expressions of a need to feel loved. I now know that I am loved. Thank you to the teachers, the friends, the classmates, the scores, the crown, the cards, the notes, the mementos and more. Thank you for being the external source of that which I had forgotten. You were all there for me when I needed you. Thank you.

As I release that which no longer serves me. Let it be known that all others are also released.

We dance. We sing. We flow, We grow. We live a little longer.

Thank you.

Theory of S.H.I.T.

I have had this theory for a while now. When someone commits an act of self sabotage it is equal to having an autoimmune disorder. And they both come from lack of self love. It’s called the theory of S.H.I.T. or Simply Handle IT. Tools to turn the excrement into exactly what it is. Excrement that should be flushed down the toilet.

S.H.I.T. Example 1: Super Heroes In Transformation. Embrace the super heroes of your life. The cape is another form of wings. Fly with them as you would with Superman. I’ve had so much fun with a super hero spirit guide lately. Together we do that I once thought was fiction. Super Heroes are everywhere in my life, each with a unique gift to offer. But I had to open myself up to receive their gifts. They were patient with me and for that I am grateful. A Super Hero sign? Persistence. They will show up again and again and each time brighter than the time before.

S.H.I.T. Example 2: Smoke Hints of Impending Transition. Get out of the way. Call for help. And then embrace what’s about to happen. Fire will do what it’s meant to do. The smoldering ash gives birth to that which was not possible before. I personally experienced this when I was about 14 years old. Our home caught fire. From the ashes we received loving kindness in many forms. And a couple of unwanted spirits left our home as well.

S.H.I.T. Example 3: Smell Hints of Impending Turds. Get the heck out when you first smell something funny. My first job out of college got smelly. I ignored the smell and tried to cover it up but then it turned into a big turd. I found an air freshener called “Walk Away.” Ah! Refreshing air!  A bright and shiny world revealed the most amazing experiences of my life! I went on to use one of the first Macintosh Apple computers as a graphic designer on a publication. Went on from there to work with amazing people at an ad agency. And from there found the courage to move my family to a place where my husband could be home every day.

S.H.I.T. Example 4: Sunshine Helps Internal Tuning. Drawn to the sunshine of Arizona, I discovered my love mantra. On the Apache Junction Trail, the road and scenery triggered the mantra ‘I. O. E. O. U.” which opened my heart little by little until I could finally love myself enough to find the peace and joy I knew was in me all along. I.O.E.O.U. are the vowels of “I Love You.” And in the sunshine, I read a book called, “Whatever Arises, Love That” by Matt Kahn which I recommend. Take trips to the places that call to you. Even if it’s the local park. I sing I.O.E.O.U. every day of my life and the results have been profound. I went from an unemployed wanna be to a prosperous graphic designer working with a group of geniuses at an innovative company. And I shine light in the sky ways of downtown Minneapolis by silently singing ‘I.O.E.O.U.” Try your own love mantra and sing it, you’ll find love in places you previously feared. The fear transforms into sadness and then into love. That’s the ultimate tune up. Transforming fear into love.

Look for more Theory of S.H.I.T. examples to come. My vision is the theory to transform my autoimmunity which attacks my body into immunity which repels that which I do not need.

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Why Don’t You Let Me Go?

This is for all the men and women out there whose sadness is so deep that they simply cannot comprehend why anyone would like or love them.

The other night was a repeat scene that has been going on for decades in my home. Over and over again. The ratings of the rerun slipping each time. The same damn sob story as I stand in the corner of a room and cry about this and that. But mostly that. That old story of not being loved, of rape, of hating myself, of wanting to die every day of my life. Telling him that he is a good person and deserves to live with someone who is capable of loving him and doesn’t go on and on with the same sob story.

The stories are fabricated to destruct. The self sabotage rampant. But when the love is real, the angels stand strong and endure.

“Why don’t you let me go?”

“Because I love you.”

For someone who has never experienced true love or self love until recently, it’s very difficult to understand fully that another human being or angelic guide is capable of loving so fiercely, that letting go is not an option. It’s not an easy relationship some days. Most days are superficially ok. Chattering away about work and the pets. Then retreat to separate spaces. Separate rooms. Separate dimensions. Separation is a must. Physical and emotional space are key.

Space to change and evolve. Changing the mindset to recall the brilliance of love is a process. Unrecognizable at first, it shows up as a surprising friendship or tears flowing freely during a walk or a drive. The best experience is while sitting quietly with the dog or cat and feeling the love flow unconditionally from them. Those are the tears that make the loudest noise, breaking the sound barrier of a heart closed off with many layers.

The layers thin and dissipate. The heart illuminates. On occasion, there will be a fleeting moment followed by, “It was so nice to see you happy. I just want you to be happy.” It’s difficult and feels strange to hear the words. “But why?” It’s like a foreign language at first. Sooner or later the language is understood and trusted.

Today as I celebrate the first day of the rest of my life I trust the multidimensional being that is Wendy. I practice seeing and feeling for the first time. I let go of the story. It is no longer me. I am born in the essence of love.

To those of you who know someone or are that person who just does not understand the language of love, I encourage you to keep trying. Turn the letters PTSD into Person Thriving and Surviving Daily. Shift happens and you’ll find yourself carried by the etheric currents which angels fly. Open your heart and soul to angelic guides. They surround you and patiently wait for you to sing.

Thank you again. I feel honored and blessed to share these words with you.

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