Shifting to High, I Take Full Responsibility

You know when people say, “I’m sorry for your loss?” Have you ever felt compassion for others but couldn’t get to the, “I’m sorry” because if you did, then you’d be admitting to something you didn’t do. And by admitting to something you’d be punished and not loved.

Many, many times throughout my life, this has been the experience. I never felt loved as a child except for possibly a kind teacher or neighbor or a parent of a friend. It wasn’t that my parents were constantly traumatizing me. It only takes a few experiences as a small child to instill a sense of being unloved.  Because of the early trauma, my being internalized shame. To say, “I’m sorry” was something that threatened the basic need of feeling safe and connected with another. To say “I’m sorry” would drive the shame even deeper. Does that make sense? It’s ok if it doesn’t — read on and you’ll get it.

Bear with the pity story for a tiny bit longer. There is a purpose to it and a base from which I feel a need to explore the journey of healing for many that may help bring ease.

Breathe. The relevant part of the journey started a year or so ago when the integration of unconditional love expanded my consciousness. Opened me up in a way that was previously undefined and not comprehensible. For some, unconditional love is a concept they’ve known their entire lives but for others, it needs to be recalled. And gently invited out into the sunshine.

Unconditional love for me came through from a grandparent who passed. His spirit communicated through a medium for me — sending the message that he would have protected me when I was small. That was profound for me. I didn’t know someone wanted to protect me when I was small.

I know what you’re thinking. “Oh, you didn’t have it that bad. There are children in war zones and in areas of extreme poverty and other situations quite extreme.” Yes, but just as a drop of water represents all water. So does my experience represent the trauma of all traumatized children.

Where am I going with this?

Step into the present moment where I have recalled the power of forgiveness. Oh, so repetitive and boring it is to bring it up again and again. But wait, this time it’s different. Until now, it did not connect and I didn’t understand forgiveness to the degree I do now.

When the concept of forgiveness is introduced to someone who has experienced trauma, I feel it is critical that the first step be the recall of unconditional love. Why? Because if one does not know they are loved, then the concept of forgiveness is pointless. Sure, a person can say, “I forgive you” but what does that really mean? “I forgive you for torturing me for years? Not that it was ok, but I forgive you.” It did a little for me with regard to freedom or true healing and grace. It was like reciting something in a foreign language.

But . . . But! When a person knows they are loved and accepted exactly as they are, then the concept of forgiveness can be a beautiful catalyst for changed reality. To go from black and white to full color. To go from pastel to neon.

A surprising personal example

On July 10th of this year, I posted on social media that I was feeling emotional because it was the anniversary of an experience I had decades ago where I was chopped up by a boat prop in a lake. My friends were there and all were traumatized. In the past I was angry, sad, and have not talk to anyone involved for decades. In the post, the lake was evil and the events that took place had an impact on many people and nobody deserved any of it.

“Forgiveness is possible” — coming from a new place of knowing I am loved and also responsibility for the trauma inflicted on everyone that day.

“I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.”

Knowing I am loved. I no longer blamed anyone for the events that took place. I took full responsibility for everything because I am connected to all those people. I represent all, just as the water droplet represents all water. My tears represent the tears of everyone.

After the post, I let it be. I didn’t dwell on it.

My tears, as I later realized, also represented the water of the lake. The energy of the lake. The recent and ancient stories of the lake.

About two or three weeks after the post, I was thinking of the young woman who had dove into the lake from a dock and was feared paralyzed. She had jumped into the same fated lake where my friends and I had been traumatized.

“How is she doing?” I asked someone who had recently visited the lake. “I was speaking to her father and he says, ‘She rode a bike four and a half miles the other day. And she says her legs hurt.'” I was flabbergasted. “Wow! That is so amazing! She’s doing a great job!”

There are a few other happy lake reports as well. The lake is clear. And a small child had the “best night of my life” while boating on it with his great uncle who had never been boating on the lake even though he grew up there. Finally boated on it after almost 60 years.

The forgiveness prayer and taking full responsibility

I did not correlate the young woman’s recovery with the forgiveness prayer posted on social media. That is, not until I participated in a retreat hosted by a friend, Molly Friedenfeld, last weekend. In the retreat, the focus was practicing a technique based on the forgiveness prayer – also ho’oponopono which was practiced by Dr. Len. I had heard of the prayer before but this weekend, it expanded with stating full responsibility.

5 Steps to the “Clean on it” forgiveness technique as taught by Molly Friedenfeld:

  1. Identify, recognize and acknowledge a low vibration thought, action, memory, or story. Pause with intent. Breathe.
  2.  Know you are loved. Pause. State, “I accept 100% responsibility for ________________________________.” (fill in the blank with the low vibration)
  3. Ask for help from others to move it to the light. The help can come from friends, loved ones who have passed, a source, benevolent beings, angels, archangels, etc.. They love to help with this kind of thing. You can feel them crowding the room sometimes!
  4. State, “I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.” as many times as you like. (or Ho’oponopono) The order does not matter. But the intent does so say it with an open heart and confidence.
  5. Feel the prayer transform into repeated statements of “I love you. Thank you.”

After the practice, let it go and trust. No need to check in on the status or control the outcome.

Repeat the technique with any and all low vibrations that pop up.


Another example of the effectiveness of the technique:

This one is for all the children. During the retreat over the weekend, I accepted full responsibility for all children who feel unwanted and unloved. I then asked for help from the circle of people with me and from Benevolent Beings to move the low vibration into the light. We all stated several times. “I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.” And then we let it go, with trust and without expectations. But there was hope 🙂

Later, in a separate conversation, a young mother expressed several times how her daughter would not put her head under water or learn how to swim. And then in a ceremony the mother stated she loves her daughter and fully accepts who she is. We celebrated this new way of thinking by talking about how her daughter might some day be on a swim team.

The next day, the mother of the girl and the grandmother reported happy news! The girl, had just been in a pool and went across the pool with her head under water! Wow!

None of us set that expectation but look at what happened with stating full responsibility and asking for assistance to shift low vibration to high vibration.

Responsibility for big and little

My vision is for all to know they are loved. And through that knowing, may we all state full responsibility for the low vibrations and transition them into the light.

 

Thank you for reading this post.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Surrounded in Hugs Instead of Tyranny

I declare today a day of dependence on loving kindness, civility, healthy boundaries and compassion.

As most stories go, they are but interpretations and point of view of one person. If a group of individuals attends an event, even for 5 minutes, they will each tell their own unique story. Stories influenced by many factors.

It is entirely possible that I interpret “independence day” as one that not only declared a parcel of land and the people who parked their butts on it as independent from tyranny but also incorrectly assumed the parcel of land to “belong” to a very small group of individuals.

I read the Declaration of Independence and my interpretation of it was that it is a document written by a group of people that were coming together as a group of like-minded people to protect themselves from the tyranny of an individual. It names an individual but an individual cannot act alone. As a human beings, the founding “fathers” sought, as we all do, safety, intimate bonds with others, nourishment, sources of strength, creativity and loving kindness. And when the basic needs are met, we also develop and share our wisdom, recognize our intuition as a connection to our divine light within us and become the ultimate version of ourselves on all dimensions.

I recognize my interpretation does not align with everyone and that’s perfectly ok.

The Declaration of Independence is an example of creating healthy boundaries. “I am worthy of wellness and for the stated list of reasons, I declare that I act to ensure the wellness of my being.” Now, in this moment, I create healthy boundaries and I now enforce them consistently for the greatest good of my being.

At the same time, compassion and acceptance exists so that the act of forgiveness further demonstrates the healthy boundaries. Recognition of the reasons why others act is an observation and when they are objectively placed in a container, the person now becomes human again. I’ve recently experienced this very thing. There are people in my life that acted out of a need for survival. And, instead of me constantly feeling angry, I chose to embrace and love the person for who they are in this moment. But at the same time I also have healthy boundaries in place so that the treatment that harms does not become an issue.

That’s a bit abstract. I’ll leave it there.

Thank you for reading this post. It is one in a series call the “S.H.I.T. Chronicles.” where I flip concepts upside down and let go of that which is no longer needed.

Screaming Whispers

Sitting there the question arises

Why did you not scream?

Because the whispers are more powerful

And the truth gently arises

As if the petals unfolded in secret

A secret known to only

Only you

 

•••••••••••••••••••••••

 

Only you can permit the truth to be spoken. And when it arises it is like the whisper that is heard around the cosmos like a new etheric essence born out of nothingness.

screaming-whispers-wendy-hurd-lilytiger-throat-chakra

Raining Truth

The story continues with the characters in the village of Onu: Great Aunt Nilli, Aikanah, Akimitsu, Ima, Xela, Azafum and the Onu People. This story is about finding truth and expressing it. Letting it flow with the innocence and fluidity of childhood.

 

——

 

The time is about 9 years after the character, Aikanah was welcomed back to the Onu village after being found injured in the forest. He was shunned and ostracized for sharing his dreams and encouraging other to do the same. So this is 9 years later and Aikanah is about 20 years old.

 

——

 

“Go now! Your dreams mean nothing to us!” shout the the council for the Onu People. Aikanah takes back his book of dreams and slams it shut. Aikanah shouts in a booming voice, “Oh! It is your fear that has stopped the rain! You will realize it only when it is too late!” The room is almost empty except for a few benches and sturdy tables which seem a thousand years old. The windows are closed with the sun shining through them, as it has for many, many days. It is hot and stuffy in the room.

Aikanah storms out, shutting the door behind him. He has grown strong over the past few years and sometimes forgets his strength.

Outside, the wind picks up the dry earth and swirls it around in a funnel. Miserable and dry. It stings Aikanah’s face. He’s feeling frustrated and angry. For years the people paid attention to their dreams but lately, with the drought, their fear has taken control of them again. People, animals and crops are thirsty. The well in the village is almost dry.

Aikanah sees Xela, the teacher, at the dry well. “Xela my man! You KNOW what to do!” Xela shakes his head and knows Aikanah is referring to the dry well and lack of rain, “Aikanah, I am listening but it means nothing if the people do not. I am feeling lost.” He coughs and turns away in sadness. Xela mumbles something about only the children in his morning classes seem to have any hope.

Frustrated by the cycle of stubborn doubt and blindness, Aikanah walks on. Flipping his hood up to protect himself from the stinging of the dirt hitting his face. He walks at a brisk pace but slows when he notices the wilted gardens, the children fiddling with toys in the dirt. They look bored. He remembers being much more energetic as a young child. He shakes his head and says to himself, “What must happen? Do we need to open the gates of memories? If we let that happen, then what?”

Just outside of the Onu village, Great Aunt Nilli is tending to a giant oak tree. The tree is thousands of years old and has survived countless storms and abuses of all kinds. The layers of scars adding character to the twists and turns of the branches. Today Nilli is looking at something at the base of the tree. Something she’s never seen before, in all her years on earth. There seems to be light coming from the tree at the base near the roots. She looks more closely, picking up a few  small stones. She notices the stones are what seem to be lighting up when the sun hits them. She thinks to herself, “hmm, this is interesting” She places them in one of her many pockets. “I must take these stones to Xela, his students will love the stones. Perhaps playing with them will cheer them up.”

Aunt Nilli waddles over to Xela, who is now standing near a group of younger children. Xela thanks Nilli and shows them to the children. They stand up. “Ooh! Look! Are there more? Can we play with them?” Aunt Nilli says, “Oh yes! there are many more, all at the base of the old oak tree.” She turns to teacher Xela, “Is it ok if they play with them?” In her wise ways, she has intended for just this response, hoping the children would want to play near the tree. Knowing that plants respond positively to the joy of children and the sounds of laughter.

The children run to the old oak tree, forgetting their hunger and thirst. Xela reminds them to take care and that he will stop by in a little while to see what kind of games they come up with or other creations. The children play with the stones. Stacking them, building small structures and playing games. It seems like hours have gone by, time slowing down for the joy.

Xela and Aunt Nilli kneel down to look at what the children have created. Enjoying every little detail.

Suddenly, the wind starts to howl and dark clouds appear in the sky.

The children look up.

And what they see makes them smile.

It’s raining!

 

+++++

 

to be continued . . .

 

———


Allowing and paying attention to the truth can bring about playfulness and release of stress in our lives. Once we release stress and learn to play again, the truth flows like water and we are once again nurtured like the rain falling gently on the earth.

Laugh. Build. Create. Share. Sing. Dance. Amazing things happen. There is power and balance with all the other elements. The tree of life reminds us once again to connect with one another, for the truth is simple.

Thank you for reading the story.

-Wendy