What happens when I am no longer filled with anger and fear? What happens when I truly am a Person (P) Thriving (T) and Surviving (S) Daily (D)?
Well, here is what happens: balance of feeling safe, nurtured, strong, loved, truthful, wise and connected with source. My energy field also has expanded way beyond my physical self. But at the same time, I feel more grounded and in my body than ever before.
A good before/after example is this:
BEFORE (one year ago) I tried riding the bus to downtown Minneapolis and was filled with so much fear that I was on high alert and had to consciously meditate and send thoughts of peace and love. I did not feel safe at all. And no matter what I did, I always seemed to just miss the bus and would have to wait for the next one. The total time would be well over an hour each time. Plus I attracted much different people to the ride than I do today.
AFTER (today) I feel at ease as I board the bus and read a book and sometimes doze off until I arrive at my destination. I greet the driver cheerfully and send thanks for the ride each time I step off the bus. I arrive usually 5 minutes before the bus is set to depart and the total time is usually about 30 minutes. Everyone on the bus is very kind. Plus the sun has been shining for every trip.
Above is the perfect example of how much my life has changed once I made the decision to allow civilized joy and prosperity to enter my life. I took action to allow this state of being by working very hard with passion and determination and GRATITUDE.
There are so many other examples but riding the bus seems to be the best way to communicate the difference between then and now.
It helped so much to finally identify the source of the trauma. It was a simple LACK of love. You see, when a person is not loved as a fetus or infant, it attaches to the essence like a virus until an antidote is discovered and administered. The antidote in my case was a multi-dose infusion coming in from all aspects and finally the virus detached when I traveled to Boston and France in May 2018. All aligned and wellness restored. Thank you!!!
My siblings have this in common with me and we are all at different stages of healing. I have a controlled amount of enthusiasm for this as I move with ease and witness my actions. Simple actions are carried out with confidence and grace: carrying the trash to the curb; booking vacation travel and accommodations; eating a meal; giving material items away; keeping items; writing this post and so much more.
Do you know what it’s like to be ridiculously afraid of things simply because the feeling of safety and connection to another was never created from the beginning? It’s not a mental condition to be diagnosed and then medicated or “treated.” It is an awareness when uncovered, alters all of reality.
My sister and I have talked about this. How we were able to function at a very high level with a great amount of fear. We are all amazing at adapting and surviving. So now, it becomes very possible to thrive without the burden of fear for basic safety. Sure, there is an acute awareness and observation of surroundings that one needs to employ to survive such things as walking safely down the road or driving or other basic self care. BUT one does not need to fear placing an object in the “wrong” place or not cleaning or not applying make up or not wearing perfectly fashionable and matching clothing or watching the most recent films or trying the latest electronic gadget. When one knows without a doubt that one is love, loved and loving in the most basic way, it changes EVERYTHING! Literally everything.
Luckily, I have been practicing breath so this most recent development is met with grace and agility. I observe now how it will effect every choice. And how it will effect my purpose, the actions I take to realize my purpose and what I give in return.
My purpose is to be the essence of civilized joy and prosperity. My plan of action is to courageously communicate so that I may be the essence of civilized joy and prosperity. And in exchange I will channel healing streams of grace so that at least one other being may experience loving kindness. With gratitude, I am Wendy Who Walks With Wildflowers.
This is not crazy or insane. It is sanity. The definition of sanity is “the ability to think and behave in a normal and rational manner; sound mental health.” A completely subjective state of being.
Before, it was not rational to fear riding a bus. But i coped with the fear and did it anyway until I found it easier to drive. It was ridiculous just like millions of other people justify their behaviors. We all take action or inaction due to some kind of fear.
In the back of my mind, there is a part of me that knows some will read this and judge me. Say something like, “Oh, she is paranoid and perhaps has a borderline personality disorder.” Well, I am no longer paranoid. And my true personality is yet to emerge and it is rather nice, as a 56-year-old woman to finally find my true personality.
Who knows, when the cover of fear and unlove is lifted, what will it reveal? Is there a woman who will choose a different career? A woman who will finally enjoy her life and find gratitude for what has always been right in front of her face? What does wise courage reveal?
I ask for guidance from benevolent beings. Thank you.