I AM A PTSD
A Person Thriving and Surviving Daily
I was going to talk about this topic at the vlog hosted by a new business venture in the Minneapolis sky way. They asked me last week to join them in conversation and I said yes to this week.
But per the usual which I try and try to change, I am self sabotaging the opportunity I’ve always wanted. I don’t show up, figuring they are too busy and would rather speak to big radio personalities and other people.
One is set up to survive and thrive if you survived being birthed into this world. Especially if you’ve reached adulthood.
It’s been a couple of weeks since starting this post. I look back on the term I used “self sabotage” and see it differently. The new perspective is derived from an evaluation of the many years spent studying and practicing energy medicine or spiritual healing or metaphysics. Pick one, they are all similar in my mind. For a brief moment I felt myself negatively judging the studies as not worth it. But every second has been worth it because I have learned to start to love myself.
The self sabotage is now seen simply as a simplification of life. There is no need to stress out about being seen as a weirdo with regard to a spin on something not backed up by any science, for it is simply personal opinion. In the past, there was a need to stand out to compete for that which is necessary to survive. Do, do, do. But now, I love myself a little more and create healthy boundaries for myself. It is not necessary to write, write, write or share, share, share or fix, fix, fix. It’s ok to simply show up, do my best work and trust that I’ll be ok.
A call a few years ago with a few people comes to mind. The man on the line asked what I had learned from studying energy medicine – specifically Reiki. My answer was, “I learned how to be a nice person.” “Ah” he responded.
I had always been a “yes” person, saying yes to almost every request and giving in to go with the flow so as to try to keep everyone happy. What that practice does is take away from the self. Saying yest to everyone might keep the peace temporarily but in the long run it creates havoc. In one scenario the havoc becomes the emotional storm of a completely exhausted person who has spent the week working, running kids around to all the activities, trying to provide nourishing meals, caring for the family pets, managing the house and everything else that goes into the daily survival of a family. The emotional storm shows up as tears and accusations and anger and frustration.
Or the emotional storm can get stuffed away and not expressed, showing up years later as different disease states.
If I had studied energy medicine instead of nursing in college, I would have been ok with myself much earlier. I would have realized there is no need to constantly look outward for love or attention. Because that’s all I really wanted out of life is to feel loved.
But the journey is what it is. And I am grateful for every step. I have to be. For I am a Person Thriving and Surviving Daily.