In this time of courage and transformation, I release that which may bring freedom to others. I pause, relishing in the comfort of the wisdom spoken by my rapist. I cower and then pull my shoulders back, take a stance and say with fierce determination, “I am strong, I am worthy and I fly!”
My faults are my strengths. My greatest fault is seeing the good in every situation.
Today, a colleague stood up from his desk and exclaimed, “Today is a really sucky day.” I did not know why he said that, I figured it had something to do with happenings around the office. He deals with a lot of situations with grace and humor but this was different.
When he returned to his desk I asked, “Are you ok?”
“Is there anything I can to do help?”
And I accepted his answers. Sometimes we need to be with the sadness and feelings.
I learned a little while later why it was a sucky day. Someone had been set free.
I witnessed a woman walking next to the HR employee. Shaking, disheveled and carrying her purse and jacket, she walked next to the HR escort of liberation.
It is always emotional when someone learns, “your position has been eliminated.” As a witness, I observe the confusion, the anger and a bit of jealousy. No, it’s not fair that an older woman who has health issues has her position eliminated because the current job exceeds her capabilities. Her kindness is needed elsewhere. Her grandchildren and family welcome her. She now must re-define the essence of herself. It no longer matters that the job was the one reason the she woke up each day. Who knows. Maybe her job was the one reason she woke up each day saying, “oh shit.” Either way, it is what it is.
The moment is simply meant to be. As are all moments. A blip on the screen. A pebble on the path. A dust speck in the sunlight. A burp after dinner.
If the organization had kept silent and did nothing, maybe the person would have taken longer to moved forward. Perhaps it was her heaven where she felt safe. Or perhaps it was a murky muck of slime where putrid waste grows into a mass so vile that even the strongest steer away. Or maybe it was just mediocre. In any case, she is now free to experience the next great adventure in her life. Or the next peaceful moment. Or the next struggle.
I recall my own liberation experience from a decade ago. I do not swell in the past but witness for its now mild entertainment value. Sort of like watch a rerun of a show with a different perspective. At the time, I knew the liberation was coming and had my office all cleaned out, waiting for the invitation to be walked out. There were signs all around me. The health insurance coverage fee more than tripled. Meetings between people were kept secret. Meetings with individuals for “review” became more frequent. In fact, my clairaudient skills revealed one individual practically screaming in silence, “Oh, she has to go.” I mentioned my observations to my rapist one evening and he said, “Just be patient and wait it out.” The day came. I was invited into an office, told the news and was walked out the door by HR. Twenty-some people were liberated that day. Some of us gathered that same week to support one another on the next jaunt of the itinerary.
One statement stands out in my mind from that time. A friend had a cousin who met with an HR individual a couple of weeks before the layoff and reported the HR person saying, “We have to get rid of the old white people.” Interesting.
My life is a vile mass of muck sometimes. I sprinkle it with glitter. I raise it up to the light. It is what it is. Patience accompanies breath. Breathless moments accompany angst. One moment will align with another moment with the cataclysmic result currently undefined.
I welcome and accept that which I resist most.