The relief felt when writing blog posts recording the journey of my life during these years is unmatched. I started at first with an audience in mind. And now that I know only a couple of people might read my posts out of curiosity or courtesy, I feel a freedom as if I am writing only for myself. If I were to write for someone, it would be for my children so that they can know how a parent can feel and function on at least a minimal level.

It is unknown the effects of this writing but the purpose would be to courageously communicate so that I may be the essence of civilized joy and prosperity. And in that courageous communication, I will channel healing streams of grace so that at least one other being may experience loving kindness. Simple.

Upon my arrival home from a day spent indoors at an office where I met each task as it arose with intuitive wisdom, the thought entered my mind, “What am I to do with my time?” There is no anxious dog to greet me, only a couple of calm feline companions. I greeted them cheerfully and opened the door so they could explore the back yard. And then the question arose, “What will I do if my essence does indeed change from anger and fear to that of civilized joy and prosperity?” I sit here and feel free.  A freedom from the need to control and lash out. A freedom from obsessive cleaning. A freedom from checking for messages regarding a late-day request. A freedom from whirling dervishly about in a frenzy of perlexing madness. Ridiculous.

Wilson, the male cat, leaps through the greenery at the side of the house as a chipmunk chitters and teases him. Wilson’s ears are perky and his eyes wide. He seems comfortable and not in need of anything other than to experience nature and the texture of the grasses and other plants.

Tiramisu, the female cat, sits calmly in the ferns at the perimeter of the yard against the fence. She is a bit more timid but I’ve noticed in the past few weeks, she ventures out toward the back of the yard. If she hears something out of her comfort zone, she rushes back to the open door propped for her to safely go inside when she feels the need.

I feel grateful for the grace of the moment.