Where I am right now with source? I feel calm, detached, peaceful and accepting. I asked for the Angel of Death to bring death to me in my sleep. Of course the outcome was different than I had imagined. I am here. I am fine. I did nothing to harm myself in any way. I simply had a thought before going to sleep and then woke up the next morning, “Shit, I’m still here. Ok. Let’s make the most of it.”

Here’s what happened a couple of days after pleading to the Angel of Death: I drove downtown to the office and was completely calm. The traffic did not effect me and I did not pick up on any of the emotions or feelings of those around me. I was totally in my body without the external effecting me in any way other than to employ my skills as a safe driver and a kind human being.

Is this what it means to die? To simply be removed from all emotion with regard to tasks that required mechanical action and not much else? In death, are we free of the baggage? The baggage of the thoughts of others. The baggage of the societal bullshit? The baggage of misconceptions? The baggage of the ridiculous?

I was also able to detach myself from the fear of not completing every little request that came my way. I did not immediately do the task. I found myself looking at the collection of dirt in the corner or listening to the babble of others and I DID NOTHING!!

And in the choice to do nothing, everything aligned as it should. Yes, I did end up doing something but not that very second. I patiently waited and then experienced harmony.

I spoke with my sister about how I had been thinking of death and how I now experience life. She had a similar shift this week. She exclaimed, “I am no longer an empath! Wow! I sat with a group of people listening to them talk about being an empath and I thought to myself, ‘I am not that way any more.’” So freedom and wings come in the most joyful and unexpected ways.

Suicide has always been an interesting subject to me. When others chose to purposely transition from this realm to the next in a violent way or to turn off their own light it intrigued me. I pondered and wondered why and how they could do such a thing. And then I read a book by Augusten Burroughs, titled “This is How.” One of the passages stays with me. He said that wanting to die is simply wanting a different life. Seems true to me.

When I prayed to the Angel of Death what I wanted was a different life. I wasn’t sure what life I wanted, I just wanted a different one. And I was blessed with one where now is now and that’s all it is.

I look back and am comforted by the recall of many angels in my life. I was catapulted into this existence with the help of many people. Most recently at Guided by Angels Center for Healing in Omaha.  A couple of weeks ago, I attended a discussion led by a new practitioner about the Tao. “Tao Te Ching – open Discussion & Class” I had heard of the Tao before but this took on a different spin for me. And for that I am grateful.