You know when you watch a show and the tears start flowing? It feels good to cry and to empathize with the character. And sometimes connect with the deep need to be with the tears.
That happened last night during an episode of “This is us” where the character, Kate, tells her fiance that she is pregnant and that she does not want him to express his joy or hope because if he does, then she won’t be able to handle it. There was anticipated grief about losing a child even though it was an illusion.
Tears rolled and I sobbed because it triggered a deep grief inside of me over losing children. When I read about and practice living in the present moment and letting the illusions of the past go, I find truth. There is no past, present, future. There is only this moment. And if I feel sad in the present moment over something that my whole soul recalls, then so be it. I will be with it and love it like all other moments.
What actions are prompted by being in the present moment?
Last night the action prompted was an expression of passion for wanting all to know they are love, loved and loving. But then I realized that is wanting to fix things and it is not my place to fix anyone or anything for that is judgement. And it is not my role to judge.
What I want for myself is to have the chance to do over that which I grieve. But the wanting a do over is a judgement. Do want to do over states that what happened was wrong. To accept what happened and be with it brings peace. A peace that allows an unfolding of wings to either take flight, soar, glide, show, shelter, embrace, move energy, make sound, quiet or stretching to prepare.
Through this writing I realize that I did not lose my children, I was given the gift of expressing myself by loaning my physical body to assist in the creation of beautiful beings of light.